The phase of scampering around nervously in preparation for baby has quieted down some. Things are, for the most part, prepared for baby’s impending arrival. I still have to do some minor things – like iron and hang the curtains, hang book shelves, sanitize bottles and binkies in the case they are needed. But all in all, if he showed up tonight, I’d feel ready to bring him home into a welcoming and prepared home.
I’m much bigger this time around then I ever got with Sadie. Even on the day I went into labor, I was smaller than I am now. Probably because she was so teeny tiny. Which she made up for tremendously in her first almost three years alive. I swear, that girl is at least 3 inches taller than ANY of her friends.
Going into labor and having Sadie four weeks earlier than her due date always (weirdly) left me with a sad feeling. I felt like I missed those really exciting last four weeks. Those are the weeks when all the crazy nesting feelings kick in, and you feel so huge you could burst! I kind of felt robbed of that experience. But now, being this big at this stage… I have a feeling if I make it to the 40th week I’ll be eating my words. I’m already beginning to become so very uncomfortable. Especially at night and the evenings. My body has just absolutely had enough by the time the sun goes down. I feel swollen and gigantic, my hips hurt so bad that it becomes uncomfortable to walk, my contractions (totally normal for me, btw) kick in major overtime, and every single position including sitting or lying down hurts my back. And I won’t even get into the insomnia. Umph!
However, I’m not ready to be done being pregnant. Not only because I want this little dude to cook as long as possible, but I still have some pregnant memories to make and big flowy dresses to wear that show off my bump. I also have many things to do with Sadie before she has to share me.
I was going full throttle pretty strong for a while there on conquering my baby bucket list. But, fatigue has set in and I don’t have much energy lately to be doing such ambitious things. It’s also been nice to just remain local and keep things mellow with Sadie, which is really where she thrives the most. She loves to be at home, or not far from it. And I’m happy staying home with her in our pj’s reading books and playing with stuffed animals all day. I recently invested in some sidewalk paint that we spent almost an entire day entertaining ourselves with. It’s really just the little things in her world that seem to make her the most happy. And it’s not that we won’t be able to do those things any longer once her brother is here, but it will require balance. Because many a times I’ll be needing to nurse or change a baby – and most notably, soothe a crying baby. I’ll have to figure out how to balance it. I want Sadie to know how important she is; she has not lost my interest, affection or attention it’s just going to be a bit more of an obstacle course to get it all the time like she is so used to.
I’m getting nervous about how it will all work out. And obviously I want it to go as seamlessly as possible. I will give it my best, and I guess that is all I can do. I hope my little girl is ready for this big change. I don’t know how any of us could ever be “ready”. Things are going to change so much. I know our love will grow and expand, and that will be beautiful. But I can’t help but feel a teeny bit sad about changing the wonderful relationship I have now with my only child.