Tag Archives: love

Anniversary Post

Today marks 3 years that we made our union official.

Anybody lose a bet yet?? :)

In a way I feel like three years already?!  But then in so many other ways I feel like it’s only been three years?

Life has changed a lot for us since this beautiful October day 3 years ago.  And it seems to be getting more and more lovely as we go on.   Adding an addition to our family has only made our bond stronger and deeper.

To the man that couldn’t hold it together during our wedding ceremony, to the man who held my hand while I brought his daughter into this world, to the man that works long long hours and still comes home and plays tea party with his baby, to the man that I fell so in love with in our wild youth and to the man that I love even more now…

My husband,

my baby daddy,

my very best friend,

Happy Anniversary Devin.

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whimsical creature

Dear my little lady Sadie,

When I was young, about your age, my Pop pop would refer to me and your Aunt Jam Jam as whimsical creatures.  I’ve forever since then loved that term, but now finally in knowing you I really understand what he meant.

You are a little fairy that graciously adopted me as your mother and you let me marvel in your wonderment.  You my dear, are truly on another wave length.  Do you know how many times a day I catch you wandering off in another direction following a butterfly?  Or how you very often trip over your feet because you were busy studying the clouds rather than where you are walking.  You talk to animals.  Not just a typical “hi doggy,” but rather you have full blown conversations with animals.  As if they are very much talking back to you.

It takes us an hour to walk one block because you have to stop and kiss, yes kiss every bug you see.  You’ve tried this with bees and spiders on more than one occasion.  So I always have to keep a watchful eye on what you’re looking at.

You can spot a dandelion, or what you call a “wish flower,” from a football field away and you have to, just absolutely have to, go and blow on it until all of its petals fly away.

You get lost in thought and often seem to be so focused on all of the nature around you that you’ll forget where you are and what you are in the middle of doing.

You are a hippie at heart my child.

Did you also know that you are a vegetarian?  And that’s totally on you.  You refuse to eat any type of meat.  No fish sticks, no chicken tenders not even spaghetti and meatballs.  You are just totally on your own voyage here in life, and I’m glad your dad and I get to be a part of it.

I can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us.

Love forever my whimsical creature,

Mom

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feeling nostalgic

A fellow parent once said to me, “The days are slow, but the years are so quick.”  Boy, could that not be anymore correct.  The first year of motherhood has been my biggest triumph.  It was extremely difficult and humbling for me.  I realized that everything I thought I knew was wrong and even when I seemed to have things figured out everything changed.  It was a perpetual state of evolution.  Every month was an extreme difference from the prior.  I’ll be honest at certain points I really felt like I wasn’t cut out for the grueling job of mother.

But as the days, weeks and months passed life grew better and better.  And I grew stronger and more confident.  And now somehow I am here – looking back at it all with my almost 2 year old sitting snuggled into my side patting my leg lovingly as she watches her afternoon cartoons.

Somehow we made it.  I made it to two without a single trip to the ER (thank god), only one call into the poison control center (not fun), never feeding her fast food (not even once, yay me!), a few bumps and scrapes and a lifetime of the best memories I’ve ever had.

Our tiny little family is getting older and wiser.  And like a fine wine – it’s just getting better with age.  All of it.

My relationship with my husband has never been stronger, has never been deeper.  I have an immense love for him and tremendous respect for how hard he works to support our choice of having me at home with our daughter full time.  He is a great man and a terrific father.

And our relationship with our daughter is just… jeez.  I couldn’t even begin to put it into words.  Simply put, she’s the best thing I’ve ever done with my life.

I’m counting all my lucky stars today.  Every day I get to wake up into this life of mine is a good day.

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Mr & Mrs Redwood

There are several events that have gone on recently that are blog worthy, and something I probably should at some point document alongside all of Sadie’s life experiences.  But for some reason I haven’t blogged in over 2 weeks despite having some decent material.  I wasn’t aware of why I hadn’t blogged, but perhaps I was saving myself for this one.  Because yes, everyday adventures are great and invigorating – but nothing really compares to this.

My sister got married on May 18th, 2012 to her wonderful husband Jason Redwood.

Their wedding was in beautiful Santa Barbara and was everything and more that you would expect of a small 50 person intimate gathering.

From the moment I arrived at the bridal suite I was instantly calmed (because lord knows I was a stressed out nervous wreck all day) by my sister’s calm demeanor and total composure.  I hurriedly checked into our hotel and called her to let her know I was on my way to her, apologizing for not being there since the break of dawn that morning.  She said, “No rush – I really want a cheeseburger.”  So, one short drive and a stop at McDonald’s for a burger and fries later, I was there.  I walked in and was already floored by her beauty.  Her hair was half way done and her makeup base had just been applied.  She was wearing a strapless silk maxi dress and had bare feet.  She welcomed me in with a deep hug.  And I suddenly felt calm in her presence.  We ate cheeseburgers and fries as friends, family and even Jason came in and out of the hotel bridal suite room to say hello and tell her how stunning she already looked.  The best man even popped in and dropped off a bin full of champagne on ice for all of us ladies.

This style of wedding prep was totally unconventional to me, but for Jamie and Jason, this laid back approach seemed to fit them and the rest of the evening so well.

It seemed to only take minutes before we were all dressed and made up and ready to get on our way.  My parents came to pick Jamie up and take her to the hotel where her and Jason would be spending their first night as husband and wife so she could change into her gown before heading to the ceremony.  I rushed back to my hotel to get a certain little flower girl ready to go and give Devin some time to get ready and then we were off to the cliff side location in Wilcox State Park.

The site was breath-taking.  They hadn’t acquired any sort of permit or even permission to hold the wedding ceremony, so it was done so minimally.  My brother went out to the location 30 minutes before we all arrived and but up some paper flags and a large area rug for Jamie and Jason to stand on during the ceremony.  The rest of the location was naturally decorated in cactus, wild bougainvillea and the crashing sandy beach below.

Friends and family scattered in and stood around chatting and waiting to see a bride emerge.  And then there she came.  Out of behind scattered trees, tall wild grass and purple and yellow wild flowers she seemed to almost float towards us.  With my mother and father fastened to both of her sides she came walking towards us, towards Jason, holding a bouquet of the wild flowers she walked in amongst.  I couldn’t take my teared up eyes off of her, but did steal a glance at Jason to see him choked up and holding back his own tears.

The ceremony itself was quick, to the point and very heart-felt.  Jamie and Jason’s dear friend Karla, who has known them both for a very long time and was the one who actually set them up, was the one to perform the intimate ceremony.  She spoke of both of them as separates and of them as a couple and about how strong their love was – and truer words have not been spoken.  I stood huddled with my mom, dad and brother as we all cried watching our big sister/ first born child leave the Bresnan nest and become Jamie Redwood.

They were pronounced husband and wife and everyone present wiped away their happy tears and we clapped and hoorahed for the new couple.  And then naturally, the paparazzi came out in full effect and the next 30 mins were spent clicking the shoot button and posing for photos.  Along with many, many hugs and kisses and well wishes from the friends and family that felt honored to be there.

Soon after the crowd all made their way back to the hotel rooftop where dinner, dancing and drinks were to follow.  Guests trickled in one by one and admired the view and the most spectacular wedding decorations I’ve ever seen.  Each table was set with a thick slab of tree trunk and upon that were scattered hand painted antlers, arrows, candles and hand made paper mache bougainvillea.  Our place settings were marked by a succulents placed in hand painted terracotta pots that also doubled as a gift to each individual guest.

Drinks were flowing generously and a few of the men gathered around the fireplace to celebrate the newlyweds and enjoy some cigars.  All the little ones started the dance party off by jumping up and down and running in circles.  Sadie thoroughly enjoyed this part of the evening.

As the sun set and the night sky slowly appeared, dinner was served and toasts to the happy couple were made.

After dinner, Devin and I snuck away into our room to get Sadie ready for bed and awaited the babysitter to arrive.  Sadie was exhausted and fast asleep in a matter of minutes and we were able to get back up to the party to dance and celebrate the night away.

And it appears that we made it back just in time for the epic dance party to ensue.  Photos became a bit blurry around this time of the night, which you know it means it was a good night.

And at that the night was at it’s close.  What a wonderful night it was.  And to Jamie and Jason, may you live happily ever after.

 

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it takes a little bad to get to the real good.

I’ve never claimed to be an expert.  I’m really just scratching the surface on this whole parenting thing.  But what I do know is that this little person that I’ve only known for 7 months has already brought me more joy than  I could have experienced in 10 lives living without her.  Everything she sees/does is a whole new experience for her and it has changed the way I look at things as well.  I catch myself getting excited about puddles – just so I can point them out to her and splash through them like I once did as a kid.  I notice every birdie, every blooming flower and funny looking dog – and I notice them like it’s the first time I am seeing them myself.

Buuuut… to get to the really good stuff, we gotta get through the tiny little sour spots too.

Some mornings all I want to do is just sleep in past 5am, but it’s not gonna happen.  Some days I struggle to produce enough milk and feel overwhelmed.  Some days I’m racing out the door and the baby barfs all over me and herself and I have to go back inside and start all over again.  Some nights I sit rocking an over-tired and very upset baby for hours until she finally relaxes her tensed body and closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.

But then come the really good moments that make all the hard ones seem so worth it.

Like when she’s in my arms drifting off to sleep and she accidentally farts, opens her eyes, looks at me and starts to giggle, and then closes her eyes and goes right back to bed.  Or in the mornings when she wakes up for the day, she doesn’t cry to let me know she’s up and wants me.  Instead, she rolls over and grabs onto my face and pulls herself close and begins to kiss suck on my cheek.  Like when a hummingbird stops to flutter right in front of us and I watch her stare in amazement.

Or like this very moment – when we’re both warm and snuggled in our pj’s, far away from the rain.  She’s asleep on my chest as I lay in bed and write about her.

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My love will find you.

Little Miss Sadie has received many gifts since her birth in October.  My absolute most favorite is a book that was given to her by her Grandma (my mom).  This book, Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You, by Nancy Tillman is the sweetest thing I’ve ever read.  I read it to Sadie several times a day and I cry every time.  It’s not even just the words that are so captivating.  It’s the incredible illustrations that go along so perfectly with the words.

In honor of this beautiful book, I’m going to pair some of my photos with some of Nancy Tillman’s words.

I wanted you more than you ever will know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go.

Make a big splash! Go out on a limb! My love will find you. My love can swim.


In the green of the grass… in the smell of the sea… in the clouds floating by… at the top of a tree… in the sound crickets make at the end of the day…

“You are loved. You are loved. You are loved,” they all say.

So hold your head high and don’t be afraid to march to the front of your own parade.  If you’re still my small babe or you’re all the way grown, my promise to you is you’re never alone.

You are my angel, my darling, my star… and my love will find you, wherever you are.



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love

I wanted to send a belated congrats to our friends Danielle + Marcus on their beautiful wedding the other week.

Thank you for having us there on your special day.

xoxo

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31

Yesterday was husbands 31st birthday.  This birthday was a far cry from where we were on his 30th birthday.  Let me paint the picture for ya… One year ago, we had just learned that we were pregnant with Sadie.  I booked us a week trip to Oahu, Hawaii.  We spent Devin’s bday laying out on the white sands of Honolulu Beach – Devin drinking frosty beers and me drinking tropical smoothies.  We rented a car and drove around the entire island in a day, stopping off at hidden private beaches, breath-taking views and little mom & pop ice cream shops.

Aaaaand this year… It’s a cold windy day out.  Devin is still sick with bronchitis, the baby has now caught her first cold.  She has a fever, a cough, diarrhea and sounds like she’s drowning in snot.  I haven’t showered in days because I’m too busy taking care of my sick household and I didn’t even get a chance to go get a birthday cake.  We ordered take out and attempted to watch Tron, but the baby was crying too much.

So, as you can see our lives are a bit different.  But the good news is – husband & baby are both feeling much better today and I am taking the family away for the weekend.  I can’t tell you where because it’s still a surprise to Devin.  I mean, it ain’t Hawaii – but I’m hoping it’ll be 10x as memorable.

So to my wonderful best friend and husband Devin – I love you so much.  You make me so happy, you make me feel beautiful, loved and cherished.  You are my world.  Thank you for being you, thank you for being mine and thank you for giving me Sadie.

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hooray.

Last night I was sitting on the floor of the living room nursing a sick husband on the couch back to health, playing tug of war with Berkeley and bouncing and making silly faces at a bored baby all while trying to just have a quiet evening watching a movie.  In the midst of all the chaos, I looked at Devin and asked, “What did we used to do in the evenings before we had Sadie?”

He couldn’t really remember, and neither could I.

She has only been part of our lives for just over 5 months, and yet life without her is unimaginable.  I started to really think about her and what she has done to my life.  While I was sitting there pondering what could we possibly have done without her I just realized… what is the point?  What is the point of me or me and Devin, without Sadie?  She is everything.  She makes everything make sense, makes everything fall into place, she makes everything in this world more enjoyable.  She is everything, and without her there is nothing.

Being a mom is the most important part I will ever play.  I have this perfect little being in my care that I will take and help shape into the best human being I could possibly make.  I will teach her, guide her, show her and love her.  I will do my absolute best and take every single moment of this job with great respect.

The other day I was out to the mall with my brother Jared and sister Jamie, and I was watching all of the other moms out there in the grass taking care of their children.  Most had toddlers, some had babies, quiet a few were pregnant or had a combination of all of the above.  I sat and watched as I nursed Sadie and thought to myself, “Hooray for all of these mothers.”  All of these mothers who love their children and take them out to play and learn, all of the mothers who eat healthy and stay strong anticipating the birth of their little ones.  Hooray for mothers.  They are the ones responsible for what our future world will be like.  Like me, they have a very important job and hooray for all of them – past, present and expecting!

 

 

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wild.

On my last day of our week long visit to Grandma & Pop-pop’s, we strolled and explored the San Diego Wild Animal Park.  The Wild Animal Park is different from a Zoo.  Most of the animals are kept in large areas that mimic their native lands rather than cages.  Many of the animals are even mixed in groups that would normally interact in the wild.  Of course more aggressive animals like lions & tigers get their own big comfy fenced in roaming areas, but rhinos and giraffes get to play.

Once in a blue moon I’ll leave the house to go out, just to notice that Devin and I are both wearing dark denim and plaid shirts.  I feel dorky when that happens, but thankfully it doesn’t happen too often – just yet.  Now take a couple that has been together for 40 years…

How in the heck do you accidentally both wear pale canary yellow????

And by the way, I counted 3 instances in the 6 days I was there that something like this happened with these two.

Speaking of matchy-matchy… check out these 3 generations.

Anyways, it’s almost the weekend and I don’t really have much to say.  So I’ll just leave you with this… I love Sadie.

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